"Pearls of Wisdom" plus graffiti

One of my school friends posted this on their blog, and I couldn't help but copy/paste it into this one, because I felt like commenting on some of the statements (hence the "graffiti").

Pearls of Wisdom:
"Twenty-Five Things It Took Me Over 50 Years To Learn" by Dave Barry

1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.
Comment: Is it really? Sounds like you're just writing off action films.. although admittedly there aren't many action films with good storylines, they just have a good cast of stuntmen backing up Tom Cruise.

2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time.
Comment: Hehe, I like this one.

3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor.
Comment: Reminds me of JD from Scrubs :) But this is true. It's the whole concept of 'by admitting to being something, you've just proved that you're not'.. which sounds odd, but makes sense somehow.

4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.
Comment: Thanks to Bushisms, the world is a funnier place.

5. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
Comment: Good call! I've heard at least one story of a friend who tried to engage in friendly conversation with a lady about her baby bump, only to be told that she wasn't pregnant.. aw-kward!

6. A penny saved is worthless.
Comment: Especially if you're living in Oz. Although I've just discovered the beauty of Eftpos transactions when dealing with rounding errors. I recently bought groceries from Woolies for $22.83. I had no cash at the time so I used my keycard. Later on, I realised that I'd paid 2 cents less than what I would have paid with cash! Win!

7. They can hold all the peace talks they want, but there will never be peace in the Middle East. Billions of years from now, when Earth is hurtling toward the Sun and there is nothing left alive on the planet except a few microorganisms, the microorganisms living in the Middle East will be bitter enemies.
Comment: I had to laugh at the image that the final sentence created in my head, but I don't like the bitterness and cynicism of this one. There MUST be a way for humans to live in moderate peace across the world, surely.

8. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
Comment: Beats gravity anyday. But I've noticed that the less you engage in this force, the weaker it gets.

9. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.
Comment: Hehe. :)

10. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
Comment: 11 is a great number. But people shouldn't stop showing love for their friends - and a birthday is just a special excuse to throw a party. We shouldn't restrict ourselves to having parties and giving gifts and/or love to people by socially accepted causes for celebration. That's just sad.

11. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
Comment: As there is a very fine line between "mental illness" and "love".

12. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
Comment: Ironic, isn't it? Although I'd have to be biased here and say that I think it's more prevalent amongst Christians - from my personal experience I've just found them to be more vocal about their religion, but also less willing to listen. That said, I do enjoy learning about all religions, and can't really hold a grudge against the religion itself, it's up to the believers to represent their faith in the best way possible.

13. There apparently exists, somewhere in Los Angeles, a computer that generates concepts for television sitcoms. When TV executives need a new concept, they turn on this computer; after sorting through millions of possible plot premises, it spits out, "THREE QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT," and the executives turn this concept into a show. The next time they need an idea, the computer spits out, "SIX QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT." Then the next time, it spits out, "FOUR QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT." And so on. We need to locate this computer and destroy it with hammers.
Comment: Agreed. I don't know about the 'destroying' part though..

14. Nobody is normal.
Comment: There IS no such thing as normal.

15. At least once per year, some group of scientists will become very excited and announce that:
* The universe is even bigger than they thought!
* There are even more subatomic particles than they thought!
* Whatever they announced last year about global warming is wrong.
Comment: Hehe - agreed :)

16. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
Comment: Hehe :)

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
Comment: Perhaps. But sometimes they get the message across (thankfully).

18. The value of advertising is that it tells you the exact opposite of what the advertiser actually thinks. For example:
* If the advertisement says "This is not your father's Oldsmobile," the advertiser is desperately concerned that this Oldsmobile, like all other Oldsmobiles, appeals primarily to old farts like your father.
* If Coke and Pepsi spend billions of dollars to convince you that there are significant differences between these two products, both companies realize that Pepsi and Coke are virtually identical.
* If the advertisement strongly suggests that Nike shoes enable athletes to perform amazing feats, Nike wants you to disregard the fact that shoe brand is unrelated to athletic ability.
* If Budweiser runs an elaborate advertising campaign stressing the critical importance of a beer's "born-on" date, Budweiser knows this factor has virtually nothing to do with how good a beer tastes.
Comment: Yep, yep, yep and yep.

19. If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
Comment: Too funny, too true :)

20. You should not confuse your career with your life.
Comment: OHHH THIS IS SO TRUE *wails*

21. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
Comment: Damn straight. I don't like people who treat "lower" people like trash. Just because their job is to serve you doesn't make them any less of a person - in fact, it probably makes them more of a person than you (unless they're spitting in your food - now that's just low and gross).

22. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
23. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

Comment: Gotta love the comic images that arise in my mind at such statements!

24. Your friends love you anyway.
Comment: I hope I can say this is true, of my friends, and of me as a friend.

25. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
Comment: Although he has to improve on his moves.. ;)